I'm very ambivalent about starting this. I'm eating a cupcake while I write this. If I want to lose this weight, I know I have to live differently this very day. I have learned, with long term goals, the results may be long coming but this very day matters. If I want to reach my goal of losing 50 pounds, I have to make different choices this very day about how I treat my body and what I put into my body. I have to make different choices about how much I move and push my body. And how I deal with stress and fatigue and my emotions.
I have not allowed myself to get below 200 pounds. And I intentionally write, "have not allowed" rather than "have not been able" because, when I am honest, truly I am controlling this. I'm just not sure why. I've been trying (unsuccessfully) to lose this baby weight for several months now and anytime I get close to dropping below 200 pounds, I sabotage. I have it in my mind that once I lose these ten pounds or so to dip below 200, I don't ever want to see that number again when I step onto the scale. So I find myself doing a dance around this number. I get to 201 and spend the week drinking soda and eating fast food and gain a few pounds back.
I was 165 pounds when I became pregnant with my first child in 2006. I gained about 40 pounds with that pregnancy and was not really able to lose it til my son was 3 and my husband and I wanted to start trying for baby #2. I wanted to be at a healthier weight before I got pregnant again so I went on Medifast and lost 30 pounds and became pregnant with my daughter when I weighed 170. Again I gained about 40 pounds with this pregnancy and now my daughter is 20 months and I'm struggling to lose this baby weight. Wanting to be healthier for another pregnancy was my weight loss motivator in the past. This time, can I do this for myself?
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