A new season

The first weekend of fall. My favorite season. Apples and pumpkins and cider and hayrides and bonfires and jumping in the leaves and hikes in the woods and crafts and preparing for the holidays. And this year, beginning a new way of eating.
This is going to be a difficult season for me to begin this weight loss journey.



Fall is such a cozy season. And by cozy I mean chai lattes and pumpkin bread and hot turkey sandwiches with mashed potatoes and stuffing. Comfort. I'm going to have to come up with new definitions of cozy. And seek new avenues to comfort that don't involve food.

And then there's the holidays right around the corner. Halloween candy that every year I try to keep the bags unopened until Halloween night but, Ha! That's a joke! That never happens. It will need to this year. And there can be no dipping into the kid's trick or treat candy after they're in bed.

And then there's Thanksgiving that you can't really separate from eating. It's basically a holiday celebrating food with some gratitude thrown in there. And Christmas with cookies and cranberry bread and candy canes. I love the holidays. I love cozy and comfort. And as a mommy to two little ones, I have watchful eyes on me,  learning and soaking up all that I do. Do I want them to associate cozy and comfort with food. Well, yes and no. There is something cozy and comforting about warming up with a mug of hot chocolate after playing in the snow. And chicken noodle soup is comforting when you're sick, like a cold washcloth on an aching head or a soak in the bath for aching muscles. It gives relief. I want my children to associate cozy and comfort with their Mommy. But as they grow, they will not always have their Mommy with them and they will need to find their own way in the world. My son has just started school and is struggling with being away from home and missing his Mommy. He's needing to find new ways to comfort himself apart from me.

So my question to myself as I'm entering into this fall season and this new way of eating: why am I seeking comfort? And what am I seeking relief from? Loneliness? Stress? Fear? Fatigue? Emptiness? And before I'm quick to seek other means of relief rather than food, will I sit with this for a time and let myself feel. Not stuff it down with food. Not run from it. But light some candles, wrap myself in a warm blanket on this chilly rainy night, the house quiet with my family in bed asleep, and just sit with this and listen to the hunger of my heart as I welcome and enter into this new season.