Weigh In

I was supposed to have better news to report for this week's weigh in. Last week I was so close to the 20 pound mark. I made changes to lose weight more intentionally by setting short term goals the night before, drinking more water, cutting out fast food and exercising. I admit I did better with all of these earlier in the week. But I didn't expect to GAIN weight this week with all the positive changes I made. However, with nursing my daughter less now that she's sleeping through the night, I recently got my period back after a 2 + year hiatus. And that really does make a difference with our bodies, if we only take into account water weight gain alone. I have learned to be kind to myself the week leading up to my period with all the roller-coaster emotional and physical changes going on in my heart and mind and body. This week's weight gain most likely has to do with my period. But it's still disappointing.

What will I do with disappointment and set backs? Will I go through the McDonalds drive thru and order TWO Egg McMuffins after dropping my son off at school? (Which I may or may not have done this morning). Or will I be kind to myself?  That can look different for each one of us. For me, it might mean, not sabotaging by eating the foods that will not help me reach my goals. It might mean, taking a walk in the snow for my exercise. It might mean eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I begin to feel full. It might mean, letting it go when I don't make my goals and beginning again, each day.

What about you? How are you kind to yourself? What do you do surrounding your "time of the month" that is helpful in staying on track?

Ambivalence and sabotage

I'm very ambivalent about starting this. I'm eating a cupcake while I write this. If I want to lose this weight, I know I have to live differently this very day. I have learned, with long term goals, the results may be long coming but this very day matters. If I want to reach my goal of losing 50 pounds, I have to make different choices this very day about how I treat my body and what I put into my body. I have to make different choices about how much I move and push my body. And how I deal with stress and fatigue and my emotions.

I have not allowed myself to get below 200 pounds. And I intentionally write, "have not allowed" rather than "have not been able" because, when I am honest, truly I am controlling this. I'm just not sure why. I've been trying (unsuccessfully) to lose this baby weight for several months now and anytime I get close to dropping below 200 pounds, I sabotage. I have it in my mind that once I lose these ten pounds or so to dip below 200, I don't ever want to see that number again when I step onto the scale. So I find myself doing a dance around this number. I get to 201 and spend the week drinking soda and eating fast food and gain a few pounds back.

I was 165 pounds when I became pregnant with my first child in 2006. I gained about 40 pounds with that pregnancy and was not really able to lose it til my son was 3 and my husband and I wanted to start trying for baby #2. I wanted to be at a healthier weight before I got pregnant again so I went on Medifast and lost 30 pounds and became pregnant with my daughter when I weighed 170.  Again I gained about 40 pounds with this pregnancy and now my daughter is 20 months and I'm struggling to lose this baby weight. Wanting to be healthier for another pregnancy was my weight loss motivator in the past. This time, can I do this for myself?